why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
