Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
