I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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