Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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