You can't motorboat a personality
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
