please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
