also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
