my sisters under your porch take her home
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
