well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
