***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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