mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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