I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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