What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
