just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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