i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
