so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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