dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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