oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
