I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
