Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
