I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
