i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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