im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
