im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
