Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
