dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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