Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have aggressive nipples.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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