i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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