don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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