Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
