it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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