those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
