Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
