i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
