Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
