I CAN MOONWALK!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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