your thong is hanging out like whoa
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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