I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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