u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize