we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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