Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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