Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
