I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
