So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
