when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
