WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
