I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
