you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
