She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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