I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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