If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
