dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
