cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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