He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
