so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize