How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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