I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
