I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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