There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
