Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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