May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
