Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
