I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
