if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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