Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
