Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
