I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
smell my finger.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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