Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
