Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize