I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
