What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
