and next time when you feel me up, do it right
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
