Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When did angry sex become our thing?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
