Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
