so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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