The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
