I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
