Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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