apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
