you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
