I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
