dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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