I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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