It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
