I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I will pee on everything he values.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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