Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
