i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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