eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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