And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
