I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
