every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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